Sooner or later when you write about Sweden you will have to address the topics of “lagom” and “Jantelagen” and I’ve been mulling over how long I can practice avoidance and not talk about them. Why? Because I don’t know what the big deal is all about. Really. Two goofy phrases that supposedly “define” the Swedish psyche, if there is such a thing as the Swedish psyche in the first place. Or was it perhaps the Scandinavian psyche? Meh, same, same.

Of the two, “Jantelagen” (Jante Laws) seems to be the more controversial one. And it’s not even a real “law”. It was devised by a long-dead writer in a fictional story written a bazillion years ago, that is sometime around 1933. And he wasn’t even Swedish, but Norwegian, or Danish-Norwegian, to be exact. His pa was Danish, and his ma Norwegian. He was born as Aksel Nielsen, but changed it later to Aksel Sandemose. The dude had some serious issues, and I mean - big time serious. He hated his hometown of Nykøbing in Denmark so much, he totally trashed it in his most famous book “En flyktning krysser sitt spor” (“A fugitive crosses his tracks”). Yeah, so that’s how Jantelagen was born.

The book was translated into English and published in the US in 1936. And it would have faded into well-deserved obscurity, if not for the persistence of foreigners living in Scandinavia, who somehow managed to elevate the fictional Jante Laws to a nearly symbolic level. Symbolic of what, I am not really sure. Maybe of their inability to assimilate in a new country.

There is nothing in the Jante Laws that makes them unique to Scandinavia. Jante (Mr. Sandemose had enough good sense to change the name of the town from Nykøbing to Jante) is the epitome of a small, podunk town, where everybody knows everybody else’s business. It has nothing to do with Sweden, Denmark, Norway, or Scandinavia in general.

Towns like that are the same the world over, be it in Iowa (Webster City springs to mind), or South Dakota (Spearfish perhaps?) or Montana (Deer Lodge?). OK, so that was the US, but you catch my drift. The small-town mentality is the same. Seriously, I’ve seen more extreme examples of Jantelagen in Poland than in Sweden.

In other countries the concept is known as the “tall poppy syndrome” – which happens when somebody’s assumption of a higher economic, social or political position is criticized as being presumptuous, attention-seeking, or without merit. So there you have it, a typical small-town attitude towards anyone who dreams big and wants to accomplish something. Hardly unique to Scandinavia.

I wanted to be nicely prepared for this rant, and so I pulled out my 1936 English edition of “A fugitive crosses his tracks” (I found one at a garage sale eons ago, the woman was selling like one shopping bag full of books for a buck, or something, and some of those were original pre-war editions. Can you believe it?) to re-read it and once again try to figure out what the fuss was all about.

I had a hair appointment yesterday. I took the book with me, because I get bored easily when I’m having my highlights done and the woman who does my hair is particularly chatty and particularly boring, so reading a book saves me from pretending I’m paying attention to her blabber. (So much for the myth of silent Swedes, huh?)

And somehow, between the washing, cutting, coloring, and washing again, and then styling, and paying, I managed to leave the book at the hair salon. I realized it when I came home and of course immediately drove back downtown. In the space of maybe 40 minutes, the book got little legs and walked out. (So much for another myth about Sweden, huh?) But of course, this being Sweden, nobody saw anything, and my stylist said she wasn’t even aware I had a book with me at all. Splendid.

So now I guess I better start watching the Swedish version of ebay (Blocket) and see if it turns up somewhere. I’ve already searched the internet to purchase another copy, but wouldn’t you know it, there is none available. I am NOT a happy camper.

And here are the famous Jante Laws for you. They were originally written in Danish (Norwegian?), but I’m giving you the English and Swedish versions, OK?

1. Don’t think you are anything. = Du skall inte tro att du är något.
2. Don’t think you are as good as us. = Du skall inte tro att du är lika god som vi.
3. Don’t think you are smarter than us. = Du skall inte tro att du är klokare än vi.
4. Don’t fancy yourself better than us. = Du skall inte inbilla dig att du är bättre än vi.
5. Don’t think you know more than us. = Du skall inte tro att du vet mer än vi.
6. Don’t think you are greater than us. = Du skall inte tro att du är förmer än vi.
7. Don’t think you are good for anything. = Du skall inte tro att du duger till något.
8. Don’t laugh at us. = Du skall inte skratta åt oss.
9. Don’t think that anyone cares about you. = Du skall inte tro att någon bryr sig om dig.
10. Don’t think you can teach us anything. = Du skall inte tro att du kan lära oss något.