I’m beginning to develop very strong feelings for Krystyna Bochenek. I’m not quite sure what kind of feelings, but I am sure they are strong. Why, you want to know? Ok, I’ll tell you.

I was watching the news yesterday, or rather, ignoring the news, as I normally do, until I heard a reporter saying something about how hard this wonderful language of ours was. By the time I managed to lift my head and pay attention, the shot changed to a group of school age kids grumbling about Polish orthography. By the time I managed to actually comprehend what was being said and process the information, the shot changed once again. This time to a lady who was saying something about a language, or rather spelling, reform. That Polish was long overdue for one – the last one had been before WW2.

The lady turned out to be Krystyna Bochenek and I realized I vaguely recalled hearing her name before. Ah yes, a politician? Or a journalist? I went to google her name and saw that I was correct on both accounts. Ms. Bochenek is a very multi-faceted person, and her passion is the Polish language. “Well, so is mine,” I thought. Good, at least we have something in common then.

Except that Ms. Bochenek is also an actual polonista (a person with a university degree in the Polish language, or as we are very fond of saying here – “Polish philology”) and I only pretend to be one on the internet.

So, where do the strong feelings come in? Well, if I heard Ms. Bochenek correctly, she wants to do something about simplifying the way some Polish words are spelled. (I love you, Ms. Bochenek!)

If you want to know my opinion (and even if you don’t, I’m going to give it to you anyway), it’s about time!!! If I had my way, “ó” would be the first to go. I hate that letter. More than you can imagine.

I’d get rid of “ż” – can you imagine how much neater using a Polish keyboard would become?
And I’d replace all single “h” with “ch” to make life easier.

(If my high school Polish teacher is reading this - I’m so sorry, I know you’re probably experiencing a sudden and profound sense of déjà vu.)

Alas, Ms. Bochenek is not going to go that far in her proposed language reform. She wants to limit herself to the problem of “razem czy osobno” – whether we write certain words together or not. Like “na pewno” or “napewno”. And “naprawdę” or “na prawdę”.

Hint: it’s “na pewno” and “naprawdę”.
What? You want to know the logic behind it? There is none. Dude, it’s Polish we’re talking about here, OK?

I’d implore Ms. Bochenek to be bold and go further than this. I’d call for a total spelling revolution! Just imagine what would happen if “ó” and “ż” disappeared altogether!

We’d need new dictionaries, which means plenty of new books would have to be printed and sold, which means plenty of people would keep their jobs. And that’s definitely a good thing in this economic crisis.
Somebody (well, pretty much all of us) would need to buy those new dictionaries, hence a big spending spree would follow. Again – good for the economy.

School grades would improve overnight. Kids, who otherwise might have been doomed to careers as cleaners and dishwashers in the UK, all because they couldn’t spell properly in their own language, would regain their confidence and dream big, maybe even of becoming Polish teachers. In the UK, naturally.

See what I mean? This is a win-win situation! Polish spelling needs a complete overhaul and we just need one brave person to step forward and say “enough’s enough” and “let’s break the tyranny of orthographic dictionaries!”

But of course, as with any revolution, this one would bring with it serious problems, too. Like for example, what would we do with Professor Miodek?

PS. A very cool interview with Ms. Bochenek, about life, universe and being a woman in politics is here. Only in Polish, unfortunately.