I have a cold. Or worse than a cold. It’s one of those evil afflictions that bangs your head sideways and removes it from the head hinges. I’ve been like that for a week now, and I suspect that by now I have a vicious case of flu.
No, I didn’t see a doctor, because all he/she will do is tell me to go home, drink plenty of fluids and rest. And that I can do all by myself, and at least that way I won’t be exposed to those even more horrific cases sitting in the waiting room at the clinic.

Last week Grażyna suggested me to try some traditional Polish cold remedies, but since I don’t know any, and the ones she told me about sounded particularly vile, I did nothing. Maybe that’s why now my cold is a full-blown flu? But c’mon now, would you really drink milk with garlic? Or warm dark beer? They’re supposed to make you feel better. No kidding! After you puke all that milk and garlic out, you will certainly feel better, I guarantee it. And of course you’ll feel better after downing a couple of pints of dark beer, duh! For better results why not just drink żubrówka instead?

I really don’t remember what my mother used to give me when I had a cold as a child. Vitamin C and some fizzy orange flavored drink. I refused to drink milk, so that was out. I refused to eat onions and garlic so that was out. And I didn’t really like hot tea with honey, either. My mom’s chicken soup was OK, but it wasn’t the kind of stuff that would make you feel better. Possibly the opposite.

So, what did I do? Stay home, sit in bed, watch TV, read books and generally get on everybody’s nerves. In other words, not much has changed. I still do exactly the same when I’m down with flu.

And if you ever find yourself sick in Poland, here are some useful words:

I will record the audio when I get my voice back. Now, if you excuse me, I am crawling back under the blankets. No milk with garlic for me, thanks. I’ll stick to orange juice, zinc and multivitamins.