A while back Sue Wilson left this comment, but due to my computer troubles (which, thankfully, are over now as I’m a proud owner of a brand new MacBook) I only managed to see it last weekend. I’m sorry Sue!

I thought that Sue’s question was interesting, and actually, because she is not the only one confused about this –ski/-ska issue when it comes to Polish surnames, I thought it would be good to share her comment here on the blog. I hope you don’t mind, Sue.
Here it is:

Is it common practice for a married woman whose husband’s surname is Kaliszewski to be Kaliszewska? My mother in law stuck with -ski yet addresses cards to her grand-daughters as -ska. Is the -ska only for single women or can married women use that form too?
I’m recently married to a Kaliszewski & as I am wife number 2 I’d quite like to use -ska to differentiate myself from wife number 1 who is Mrs K-ski. But obviously would not want to use -ska if that is associated with single women! I do appreciate the chaos that i will have by having a surname different to my wedding certificate but I’d quite like to follow Polish tradition with the feminisation of my surname if that is ok for married women to use!!
Many thanks!

Now onto my answer.
The endings –ski and –ska have absolutely nothing to do with one’s marital status, but with the gender of the person.
So, a –ski IN POLAND is always a male, and a –ska – a female.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed I emphasized the “IN POLAND” bit, because it is important. Things work a little bit differently in other countries.
In the US (and other English speaking countries), a woman who takes her husband’s name after marriage takes HIS surname with no allowances made for her gender.

So, if you marry a guy named Kaliszewski, you, as a wife, become Kaliszewski, too. Now, if it were in Poland, you’d be Kaliszewska, because last names ending in –ski follow Polish rules similar to adjectives.

If you are determined to be a Kaliszewska in the US, I think the only way to accomplish it would be through a legal name change – from Kaliszewski to Kaliszewska.

Does it make sense?

I’m sure that Barb in Canada, who also has a masculine version of a Polish last name, can add her trzy grosze on this subject.