When living in a student dorm in Paris, there were a few chairs around a table topped with the day’s newspaper and some magazines in the entrance hall. I would often hang out there for a couple of reasons. One - so I could learn more French and stay informed of back-then President Bill Clinton’s political situation by reading the free newspaper that I wasn’t about to pay for on my student budget. Two- so I could make French friends and see the ones I had already made as they came in after their classes. At first, I was surprised at what an event greeting everyone would be each time someone came in. It would go like this: male student number one would come in the door and immediately say “Bonsoir” and then proceed to shake hands with each guy gathered in the area and kiss each girl on both cheeks, saying “Bonsoir” individually to all of them as they each stood up to receive the greeting. Then, male student number two would come in the door and immediately say “Bonsoir” and then proceed to shake hands with each guy gathered in the area and kiss each girl on both cheeks, saying “Bonsoir” individually to all of them as they each stood up to receive the greeting. Then, female student number one would come in the door and immediately say “Bonsoir” and then proceed to kiss each person gathered in the area on both cheeks, saying “Bonsoir” individually to all of them as they each stood up to receive the greeting. And this could go on for an hour or more. Some people would stay and chat for a bit and others immediately went up to their rooms to get ready for dinner. I remember that it felt nice to be greeted as in a similar situation in the US, for example, unless it is a good friend walking in, your presence could basically just be ignored. These greeting sessions made it so much easier to feel included in a foreign country, make French friends and in turn, learn French.
So, this story leads me to a few basic rules of greeting etiquette in France:
1. When greeting someone or saying good-bye, always shake hands quickly with just a little pressure. Children should shake hands too.
2. When you enter a room, greet everyone in it.
3. If you greet a man, say “Bonjour/Bonsoir Monsieur“, when greeting an older woman say “Bonjour/Bonsoir Madame” and when greeting a single young woman, say “Bonjour/Bonsoir Mademoiselle“. Don’t use their first or their last names as it’s considered too informal. If you’re close friends or among all young people, you can use their first names. Children should not use first names with any adults, except their close relatives.
4. When leaving a group, also shake hands and say “Au revoir Monsieur/Madame/Mademoiselle” to everyone in the group. If you’re all friends and you’re a female, then do the cheek kissing thing and say “Au revoir/À plus tard/ À tout à l’heure” to everyone.
