In Dutch, as in many languages, there is an informal way of addressing people and a formal way of addressing people. I’m going to provide some general rules for when to use them. Bear in mind that these are general rules based on my experiences in Amsterdam, which tends to be a more informal city. Other regions of the country might use the formal tense more often, and I’m honestly just not sure how it works in Belgium. But here are some basic rules to go by.
U is Formal
U is the formal way of referring to both one other person, and a group of other people. Therefore, it is the second person singular formal pronoun, and the second person plural formal pronoun.
Gaat u naar Frankrijk?
-Are you going to France?
Heeft u een leuke tijd gehad?
-Have you all had a nice time?
But how do you know if you should refer to someone more formally?
1. If that person is a stranger or acquaintance and is a bit older than you.
2. If that person is in a position of authority.
3. If the person is a stranger and you want to be polite. For example, offering a seat on the tram, or speaking to your server in a restaurant.
4. When writing a formal letter or email. Business communications, cover letters, letters to your housing corporation, a letter to the manufacturer of the camera you bought that doesn’t work…these should all be written more formally.
Being more formal can also be used to stress a distance between you and the person you are speaking with, whether it be in positions of authority, or familiarity. Therefore, my mother-in-law has made it quite clear that she does NOT want to be referred to formally because she loves me, we’re close, and it makes her feel old. On the other hand, many of my other in-laws, who I see less frequently and don’t share such a close relationship with, should be referred to more formally.
The general rule is, if you don’t know the person very well, and that person isn’t a child, teenager, or a lot younger than you, stick with being more formal just to be polite. I know that it’s called a “formal” pronoun, but I tend to look at it as the more polite pronoun. By doing this, I am more likely to remember to use it since my native English doesn’t come equipped with it.
Je/Jullie is less formal
Je and jullie are the more generalized ways of referring to people. Keep in mind that they have the same meaning as sentences where you use U.
Ga je naar Frankrijk?
-Are you going to France?
Hebben jullie een leuke tijd gehad?
-Have you all had a nice time?
And how do you know if you are allowed to refer to someone less formally?
1. If you are speaking to a child or a teenager, you’re pretty safe to be less formal. In most normal situations, it might even be a bit odd to refer to a child more formally.
2. When speaking with most friends, family, acquaintances and people in your social circles. — Be aware, it is not uncommon for some people to refer to their parents, grandparents or older relatives in a more formal tense as a way of being respectful. I think this is going out of fashion generally, but it’s not unusual to hear either.
3. Letters, postcards, emails to friends, family, loved ones, children and pets. Yes, some of us write Christmas cards for our pets….but without getting off topic, these are completely safe to write informally.
Like I said before, these rules are not written in stone. They vary depending on region, and even social or business status. Just keep in mind that if you want to be polite and respectful but not chummy, you should be more “formal”. If you’re ever not sure, stick with starting off being more formal, the other person will probably tell you it’s not necessary if they are comfortable being referred to more informally.
